So I weighed myself this morning. And the scale was up .6lbs from last week. Yes, I know all sorts of things could play into that…water weight, the weight of my food yesterday, etc. but that still doesn’t mean I am not frustrated. If anything, I want to see a loss, not a gain, no matter how insignificant it is. I guess for full disclosure for the blog, I will let you know my stats. (I don’t really mind letting people know my weight, because well, it is what it is. Why keep it a secret. Keeping it a secret or lying about it only makes me feel like I should be ashamed of it.)
I am almost 5′7″….Maybe I should just start saying I am 5′6″. Anyway, I weighed 136.6 lbs this morning. Last week I weighed 136.0lbs. The week before, 136.6lbs. Back at the end of May I weighed 131.0lbs. In December 2007, I weighed 142.5lbs. So it has been some fluctuation and I really had to work to lose those 11.5 lbs. I have to admit I probably employed some unhealthy methods (overexercising and really restricting my calories). I think that is why I gained 5lbs once I started trying to eat normal (and an all inclusive vacation didn’t help much either. Hello open bar and buffet!). I would like to start getting back down toward the upper 120s but by doing it in a healthy method.
I don’t know how much I weighed in high school. I never remember weighing myself. I was sick a lot because this was right when they diagnosed me with Crohn’s disease. I gained a decent amount of weight thanks to Prednisone but lost it by my senior year in high school naturally. I played a sport every season and was just very active. I probably didn’t have the healthiest diet, but I didn’t really know what was healthy or unhealthy at that point.
Once I got to college, I kept losing weight by not eating as much as I should. I had a boyfriend my freshman year in college who definitely encouraged this. Then I started dating a different guy at the end of my sophomore year of college. He was a year older than I was and we really really hit it off. By the end of summer/beginning of fall semester, I decided that I wanted to graduate early. I took 21 credits a semester and worked 20 hours a week. I had just turned 21 so I also attempted to have a social life. And i felt every girl around me was gorgeous. So I tried to watch what I ate even more. I graduated that May and the boyfriend and I moved to Paris. I ended up quitting my job immediately (apparently they thought I would be an indentured servant) and we decided to backpack until the EU kicked us out of the continent. 3 months and 17 countries later, we were on a flight back to the U.S. I remember weighing myself on a scale in the Heathrow airport where we had a 15 hour layover that was used for luggage. I weighed 134.0 pounds. I remember being VERY upset by that. I thought I would weigh less because I had just spent 3 months walking over 10 miles a day with a 40lb pack on my back. (I now know a lot of that was muscle that I had gained.)
Here is me climbing up a side of a cliff in San Sebastian, Spain. Hands down one of my most favorite places in the world.
Anyway, got home, got a job and got very sick. The doctor’s thought I may have Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma (and I was dignosed with Lyme’s disease). I had to move back home with my parents who were fabulous taking care of me. I had surgery to remove the infected lymph nodes in my groin. I never really had any symptoms after that and never had to do any further treatment. I still do not know what exactly was going on with me. I lost A LOT of weight when I was sick. I weighed about 120lbs. I was running a fever of about 101 at all times and my blood work was all funky. This went on for months and months. My body was not happy.
After a few months, I was feeling better. I moved out from the parents and decided to break up with the boyfriend after 2.5 years together. I loved being as small as I was and I wanted to keep it that way, especially now that I was single. I also trained for my first marathon at this time for Team in Training (Portland Marathon). I got addicted to running because I got muscles again and didn’t feel so weak and sick. And I didn’t eat much. I tried to eat as little as possible. I started grad school and only increased my working out (and did not increase my eating.) By the second to last semester of grad school, I weighed 114lbs.
My dad got diagnosed with cancer the week before I finished grad school and this did change my behaviors some what. It just changed my priorities. I started working out less (because I wanted to spend time with him) and I started eating more (because, I got bored sitting around a hospital). I got up to about 127lbs and was very happy there and stayed around there for a few years.
Then I blew my knee out. No more working out at all. And a few surgeries. A lot of pain, a lot of crutches and a lot of food that people brought over for Justin and I because I couldn’t cook. And then a lot of added lbs. The first time I weighed myself after getting my final cast off (December 2007), I weighed 142.5lbs.
I have worked hard to lose the surgery weight and no part of me wants to be in the 1-teens ever again. I would like to see the upper 120s though but I am really really trying to do this in a healthy natural way. I just don’t always trust my body, my mind and my decisions.
So there is my weight story. That is why I am frustrated to see an increase of .6lbs. Yes, it is a small change, but it just strikes fear in me that it will just keep going up.
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On a better topic, I went to PT this morning. I REALLY think this is what I need to be doing to get back to 100%. I am loving the office and I enjoyed the guy who worked me out today. About a 40+ year old man that was distinguishly good looking. I’ll take it! I know that my knee will be sore for the rest of the day though.
Breakfast was basically throw everything into a container and deal with it when you get to work. I was definitely running late to work this morning after PT and making sure I was packed and ready to leave for the beach straight from work. I threw in 1/2 cup of multi grain with 3/4 cup of water and 1/4 cup of liquid egg whites into the container. Then I added some raisins, some flax seed, some blueberries and 2T of fage yogurt.
I was STARVING at this point after an hour and 15 minutes of PT, so I grabbed half of a muffin to eat on the way. I went for one of the blueberries.
Once I got to work I cooked my oats.
They definitely did not taste as good as yesterday. A bit bland. I added about 1/2tsp of sugar on top which helped.
Okay, must focus on work (I didn’t expect this post to be this long!!!). I packed a morning snack
Kefir and a container of no-sugar added mandarin oranges.
I also packed my lunch and hopefully I’ll be able to eat that on the drive. I threw in a few foods to take with me for the weekend (oats, fruit, clif bars) so hopefully I can avoid unhealthy foods that I know will be around the beach house. Also, there tends to be quite a bit of drinking going on when a large group of us get together at my in-laws house. Hopefully I can really watch my consumption. Justin and I are taking our bikes so we will get a bike ride in tomorrow morning and Sunday. I am planning on hitting the gym once I get up to the beach. Something to let me stretch my legs out after the car ride. I probably won’t be able to post until Sunday night. Have a great weekend all!!!
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