Morning.

Sorry about the lack of post yesterday, but you will soon see why.  I wanted to start this post by explaining ‘me’ a bit to you ladies (I don’t think I really have many (any?) male readers).  I hate being sick.  I hate being sick. I am a very Type A personality and having something effect me that I cannot really control is very difficult for me.  I get frustrated, depressed, annoyed, angry, etc.  But I never really allow myself to relax and just be sick.  I feel like if I allow that, then I just sort of give up and let being sick take over.  I have a disease that there is no cure for and in all honesty, it feels like no one really understands, even many doctors.  So I just ignore I have it because thinking about it doesn’t really get me anywhere.

When I do have a flare up or an episode, it is very tough on me.  I always try to take care of my body, eat healthy, workout, etc…and then it decides to betray me. I have been fighting this episode since Christmas and I hate that it is effecting my blog.  I hate that all of you see that I am sick.  Being sick isn’t really the point or the focus that I want out of my blog….but I guess that is my reality that I need to accept a little better.

When I get sick, I feel like I let everyone down.  I feel like I am a bad wife because our house is a mess, I don’t eat or cook, I lay in bed, we can’t do anything social.  This isn’t what the hubbie signed up for.  When I miss work, I feel like a bad employee.  My company doesn’t care if I’m sick, they just care about results–that is work is.  Even though everyone tells me to stay home and take care of myself, I can’t.  I am incapable of letting my coworkers down.  I feel like this issue has been going on for so long that people must just think i’m a faker, a wimp or a hypochondriac.  And lastly, I feel like I’m the worst friend on the face of the planet.  I never return phone calls because I just feel awful and I don’t want to talk about being sick and there is really nothing else going on in my life.  I don’t go out with my friends because well, usually there is food/drinks involved and I haven’t been able to wholeheartedly enjoy those things for the last 6+ weeks.  I also hate that I make plans with friends and then I may have to cancel them.  It makes me feel like a bad person…a bad friend.  Someone who just lets everyone else down.

Okay–got that all off my chest.  I didn’t really put that all down for sympathy.  Sympathy is really the last thing I want.  I just want, so desperately, to be normal.

 

Back to a lovely recap.  On Wednesday, I left work around 7:30, got home and the hubbie had made dinner, which was fabulous.  I ate some food, had a cup of hot chocolate and then my stomach was just KILLING me.  I went upstairs to bed and just laid on my side in a ball wondering what I had done to make it so much worse.

And I never fell asleep all night.  I watched TV, read and finally around 1 decided to do work.  I worked until about 5:45AM….my coworkers were a bit disturbed by the timestamp on my emails and reports.  I also got to catch up with my friend, Mari, who lives in Japan because of the time difference.  She is the one I am going to see in 2+ weeks.  Around 5:45, still MISERABLE, I decided to call the gastroenterologist on call.  I told him my symptoms–stomach discomfort all week that felt a lot like concrete and then extreme pain and distention beginning on Wednesday evening.  He told me to go to the ER.  I wasn’t really a fan of that idea, so I laid in bed (and finally dozed some) until 8AM, when I called my docs office.  It was determined I need to have a CT (cat) scan of my abdomen.  And then the fun began!

I went to the place where they would do the CT scan and was told I would have to drink 3 12-ounce cups of barium.  There are no words to explain this stuff.  Mind you, I felt miserable and I looked like I was 6 months pregnant and now they were making me consume what I think tasted like death.  It had the consistency of a milk shake but was very chalky and foul.  The first sip wasn’t too bad but the after taste was HORRENDOUS and it made me gag every sip after that.

(Photos from February 12th were all taken with my cell phone, sorry about the bad quality!)

Drink #1

I was given about 2 hours to drink these…it took that long to get it all down.  I would say it took nearly 40+ minutes per cup

Drink #2

And when I had to start the third cup, they finally took me back into a room. I got changed into a gown and robe and got put into a very comfy chair in a cute little room.  My nurse was AMAZING, she made the day SO much better.  And she switched up the flavor for the 3rd one–berry, which did help.  While working on the third one they went ahead and set me up with an IV.

After finally finishing this one, I went in and had my scan. That was probably the easiest part.  And then I was allowed to go home….without any results.

I called the doctor’s office to get my results, but they never called back yesterday.

Justin was sweet and stopped and picked this up for me.

I have no idea if I was allowed to eat or drink any thing yesterday.  No one told me anything.  But by 8PM last night, I needed something, so I had this blueberry and banana smoothie.  It was fabulous.

And around 10PM, I decided I should try some bread.

I was able to actually sleep last night which was wonderful.  I got up, got ready for work (I REALLY REALLY REALLY wanted to wear sweatpants to address my 6-months pregnant belly but Justin said I probably shouldn’t.  Good thing I have a pair of kahkis that have an partial elastic waist!) and headed into the office.  Let my tell you, I DO NOT WANT TO BE HERE RIGHT NOW.  My coworkers were horrified to see me, but the project I am working on is so major, I cannot miss work.  I need to be dying (or having a CT scan done) to not be working.  I do sort of wish I could lay on the floor in a ball at work though.

I called the doctor’s office in the way in and left a message for my results.  I still haven’t heard anything. I am assuming that no news is good news.

 

I figured I do need to try and eat something today.  I packed a few things but who knows what I will consume.  I did have this on the ride into work.

Carnation with skim milk

It was nice and cold and sweet.

And to fight the headache, I decided to get a Coke.  I NEVER drink real coke.  When I bought this at the little shop in my office, the guy who works there asked if I had accidentally grabbed the wrong drink because it wasn’t diet. 

I do think there is something medicinal and comforting about a real Coke classic.

Here are the things I packed:

It says it is magic tea.  I am hoping magic==amazing cure of the stomach.

 

After not eating much at all yesterday, I figured I need to attempt to get some nutrients into my body.

Cup of tomato soup.

And lastly, a kashi bar.

 

Okay, now I really need to focus on work.  I really wish I could just be curled up into a ball right now.  And I wish the doctor would call me back.

 

Apologies for the depressing post….especially on a Friday!